da Transition

Let’s all wish for a better tmr… Tryin to break da transition!

Such a cold winter here.

After so long…comin face2face with Lucky again. Well she finally realized that all she ever asked for was so simple. Yet it has been so difficult to achieve all these while. She finally realized that dreams r always hard to be achieved. There was once she thought everything could be beautiful da way it is. Well…not at all. Still searching for da missing white rose in winter, I’m comin back to da point of origin. All she ever wanted was a simple life, a simple dream. Yet she wishes for da same thing till this day. She never changed, but you forced me to leave. I will try to live da way I am, and I’ll start wishing for a better tomorrow.

Coming to da end…of diz ride

This is a night that i cant see.
After so long… it’s yet so hard for me 2 come back,
to break da unwanted silence.
But diz is juz da way i hate it.
B4 i lost my breath,
I’m gonna fake a sunrise, perhaps.
Yes i hate every single sunset n cloudiness i was given.
You will not see da tears that bleed.
You will never.
I thot he’d be da one that sees me.
But he’s not.
She’s right, God is fair to everybody.

B4 i leave, i have some words.
Still i never expect this to happen,
since da first time i met you.
Still i remember, da first time i heard you singing for me.
Every little thing i did,
was for you n only you.
Did you actly see it?
Shall i continue this path.
I moke on my own.
After all i’m still alone.
“A rhyme i heard so heavenly”
Will i ever hear it again?

“That was very sweet. It is replaying in me and keep me wondering.” N that is what kept me going till this day. 
As long you remember me in this life,
everyhtin i had shall b engraved in da insignificance of me.
Still i believe that i’m sorta present in ur being.
Though it might be evanescent enough.
I appreciate till da last day of my life.
Whatever that takes you in da future,
i wish da best ahead of you.
And i wanna thank you for every precious moment that touched my innermost.
And for every adorable question you threw on me,
i juz like them so much.
From da very first day onwards,
we’re gonna embark on our very own journey.

Perhaps i will not be able to see you again, and juz how great you will be as you always do.
Still i want happiness to be arround you,
and thats gonna help out a broken being like me.

Yes that’s all i’ll be asking for.

Blossoms for evry morning of yours, and sweet dreams for evry cold night you might have.

True smiles on your face, and true laughters that can brighten stressful days of yours.

Shedding da heavy masque and learn da authentic you, if that makes you happier.

I wish angels fall upon you, and bless you with genuine touch.

And will i be able to finish what i wish to say to you?
True, was it all that easy to juz put aside your feelings?
And how well you have been taking care of my feelings,
if and only if you felt it too.
Still i believe you did.

As long da river flows,
da lost soul of mine will continue its journey.
I never see da sun that shines.
And i believe i will never, forever.
Juz for once, will i be given da chance?

Dear you,
yes ther’s diz hatred i held to you.
For evry single word you gave me was purely part of da joke,
which is ” A vow i treat so seriously”.
Still I’m seeking DA route endlessly.
Yet it’s juz a dream, after all.

Dear you,

“I will never forget the strength you have to bring me da sun.”

Oh i juz realized that i never see da sun that shines.

“The sun is hot, in the sky, juz like a giant spotlight;
and people follow da sign, and synchronize in time;
it’s a joke, nobody knows, they’ve got a ticket to da show.”

Still i cant figure it out.
But ther’s simply no more reason,
to give myself a reason.
Ntg’s gonna heal this,
for all da disappointments i got, all these years.

I’m coming to da end, of this very precious n memorable ride.

My bottles r empty, and i shall put myself to sleep.
Allow my silence. It’s a transition, still.

My 21st

Da last day of my 21st,
recording down da voices from within

But what’s there to stay in mind,
while everything seems fragile?

I could be da clown in these,
while illussions drown in me

On and on, relentlessness is what I see

Not heard and not seen,
foolishness am I called?
Through da haze and maze,
emptiness do I deserve?
Unspoken are yet untold,
silence shall I go on?

Yes I’ll keep going
and you will not find da real hues in me
This is given by da petals
before da sun sets down

But da world will drown with me when da light ebbs
and can’t you see everything is a mere joke?

~ That was very sweet. It is replaying in me and keep me wondering. But I’ll put an end to it. As I shall stay just here. Inconceivable…forever ~

A vow I treat so seriously
A rhyme I heard so heavenly
A route I seek endlessly
A dream I saw finally

Tell me if I’m wrong
Lead me if I’m lost
My dreams are my prayers
Love me as I’m home

broken

Dear You
Now that I know how far you have gone,
Was it the way I am or the way I care.
Still I wonder again and again,
When it slipped through our fingers.

I’m sorry if I have not been right.
But there is nothing in this world,
That’s gonna make me complete again.
Coz you don’t understand me anymore,
You’ve forgotten who you used to know.
And it’s just hard for me to go on,
Coz I’m still lingering on yesterdays,
The days you made me believe in fairy tales.

If this is the end of our song,
Remember that it has once been beautiful.
And I’ll dedicate the stars in heaven to you,
As long they are twinkling,
You’ll be glowing in me.

Thanks for making me believed while I was down,
And I’ll never believe again coz now I know.
Nothing can heal this pain,
It will go on as long the heaven stars shine.

Even till now I’m wondering,
Am I done with what I wanna say.
There are million miles that I wanted to go,
With you and only you.
Sorry that I can’t find anymore reason,
And there’s no more strength in me.

I know you’ll get higher without me,
And you’ll fly to be all that you want.
All that’s left for me to do,
Is to bless you in songs and rhymes,
For all the days to come in my life.

But our beautiful song has been broken,
By you and me.

Inner Compass

Have been wondering whether to post this. Dashes seem to invade relentlessly.. Unspoken words will never be comprehended. Be it da fluctuations, be it da silent whispers; they shall all be taken back.

Came across this & i would like 2 share:

“Each of us has an inner compass. Its voice calls us to our highest good……

I do not grasp at straws when the reality is difficult but clear. Instead, I released the past, bless it and turn with resolution to the future. I listen to the dictates of my conscience, knowing that its voice calls me home……

Today, I place my humbled heart in universal care, asking for healing and direction.”

Allow my silence. It’s a transition.

Transition

Another 30 mins to be February 2009, i decided to write again… Da feelings i have in me right now is indescribable. I would say i was going through some kinda transition – a phase to adjust everything in me – which is why i couldnt write about myself –even until now. And i’m still tip-toe-ing through it at this moment…Perhaps it’s already leading to da end…or when would all these end? I thought i have it all…?

It was all about choices and decisions in life… and of coz, new acquaintances. My new job gives new insights and new perspectives into my life, directly and indirectly. And people around me made me believe that it’s a closer step to my once so-called ambitious dream. I need to take all da time i have now to live da life i want, and to find a very important answer – an answer to my life. No matter how long da journey is gonna take, i’m gonna look for it.

It’s me with a tree aged more than 500 yrs (we guess) in Malacca… taken by a very good friend + colleague of mine – Jewei. I’m gonna take this opportunity to thank him again for all da support he has been giving me all these while. And not just that, we have also met another great working partner in astronomy- Daniel. Of coz,  there is also someone i’m deeply glad that i met throughout this journey – Ai Lee. Although we have different paths to be taken, we indeed believe there are some dreams to be pursued together, and i’m truly looking forward to it.

 

As for my special one, Ashok:  i tot my questions about da world are simple… but as i go on with you, more and more questions that i’m looking for answers… Perhaps life is just a blind journey, but that’s not da journey i’m seeking… I have sth for you here :

” We tend to think of the rational as a higher order, but it is the emotional that makes our lives. One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment.”  – Merle Shain -

Hate me for repeating da same mistakes over and over again in life…I shall see wisdom falling upon me when da right day comes…Till then i’ll love you with da flares left in me…but perhaps emptiness is what i deserve, as i said.

Goodnight everyone, and let’s cherish da next dawn together. I’ll proceed with my journey for answers; as you proceed with da journey you want, too. Though there could be no answer for me after all.

My Old Christmas, I’ll stick to it.

I’m thinking over it. It’s a different thought this time. Everytime when Christmas falls, it signifies a station for me to get down, to think over what have i achieved for da past one year, to see how have i changed in da period of time. Have i improved by any means? Of all da things i planned for myself since years ago… Have i ?? Have i Not ?? Christmas has just over… And i was browsing through some old letters…all sorta old letters… I ve grown up, through each fall. But there r still unsolved matters beneath all…

If i own a melody now…i’m gonna sing through it…and groove with my soul. But i dont own any. Things seem to be juz da same compared to da last Christmas…yet could be very different. Too many ups and downs have taken place, all i shall say is Time flies… I still have da same dreams after all. I have done nothing to make them better, but i have walked through so many obstacles…some on my own; while some with da strength given to me. As da memories came flooding; they flow as they were juz yesterdays… Some still live in yesterdays; some live in presence; while da others live for da future.

Dear You, thanks for making her Christmas so great. You made it with your presence. But shouldnt we walk hand-in-hand, through each pain and scar embedded in her? Shall you put an end to all da understandings you used to give? Coz i need you to see this clearly-who Lucky is. What shaped and moulded her was indeed tremendous, thus i really need you to fathom this. She might seem lost in ya eyes, she might seem not knowing what she wants in life. But all i need is you opening up your heart to feel what’s in her…to know da stabs that once smashed her. It has been long and i did not know how to convey this to you… That’s why let’s go back to da point of origin…Lucky’s writting this to you here.  She is already shaping a new rainbow with da presence of Sun, pls just look at her clearly. Her soul is transparent.

Christmas tells me da same old stories…da stories i used to hear from deep of my heart, since da first day i knew myself. Many have changed since da first Christmas… but da same melodies since i was 13 go on and on in me; and still da same dreams, same fears stay in me. I started to realize, there shall be no one in this world to clearly see who a person actually is, but juz him or herslf. Coz there was only me and me, that have been da shadows of my own steps throughout these years… But would you ever come close and follow me, if i lay my hands to you? Da sunshines that i’m looking forward, is not solely shines that direct me a bright tomorrow, but also shines that peak through my heart and  light up da entire world of mine…mine…Da world that i’m living in…which leads to my tomorrow.

Where is She Today?

“Jason Mraz I’m Yours” is playing now. Where is she today?

Few days before I posted “Orange Light” – 25^th November, I actually got into a car accident, which was da next day after my mom had her eye operation, and a few days before I decided to change my job. It has been more than two weeks and till now my car is still in da workshop. Da insurance agent who brought me for da procedures told me that he was surprised as I dint look like I had a car accident. Why? I didn’t know, but a smile is what I gave. Once again, I’m glad that I’m totally fine, though my elbow still aches at times since da snatch thief case not long ago. Da day before my accident? I was in da hospital whole day taking care of my mom and I came to know that she might take a long time to be recovered from her vision.

I close my eyes and I can still breathe life. Leaving da company I love is indeed difficult, not to mention da people working inside. My boss is one of da greatest employers in da world, my colleagues are my best friends, and of coz my great great sister Lisa. Oh ya, and da lil cutie friend Ahfu Trust me, bringing up www.uth.com.my has always been my dream and we shall cherish every single memory we had throughout da process.

It’s a road that I have chosen and a different journey for me to embark on. Whether it’s a road to be taken I do not know and it isn’t important, because it is a story that I’m gonna narrate on my own. I’m based in Malacca for my new job. But due to my personal situation, I have to travel within KL and Malacca very often. This is da place I’m gonna work at:

Isn’t it beautiful? Yes it’s gonna be real beautiful soon as I can already visualize. It is currently called the MITC Planetarium; we might give it a new name soon. Some of my friends might know that Astronomy has become a major part of me throughout these years. Yeah, it has also shaped who have I become today. Looking back at my first post here on Dec 2007, Lucky – Da last sentence I mentioned was “They are always there, either cloaked by da clouds or our own hearts”. I was one of da people who have forgotten to look up da heaven and search for stars. That’s becoz I have forgotten who am I actually.

Da new road isn’t easy at all but I’ll search for da sunrays that shine a direction for me. And thereafter I’ll be able to search for stars again, just like how I used to do years ago. I would really like to thank a great astronomy friend of mine who has been helping me to learn and achieve so much. There is a possibility that he might let go of a dream, but I’m glad of what I have gained throughout the journey of our aspiration and perspiration. I will always remember it – a dream that we have tried so hard to pursue.

And to you, it has been almost one and a half year since we broke up. But I do think of you, still. I could have said da wrong things few days ago when you called. But what else for me to say after all? U might have cleared da haze ahead of you, but you will never understand what I wrote, and becoz of you that Lucky exists. She has done all and she broke down to her knees. Still, she failed to see your promises. “It has come to a time to bid goodbye” – again and again.

Now that I’m here to treasure a precious person in my life – someone who has always been there for me and has been holding me through each fall of my life since day one. Dear you, I will never forget da strength you have to bring me da sun.

Everyone is da author of his or her own life, though Lucky is yet too early to narrate da story she plans for herself.

It’s a Rainy Day here in My Heart

Once again I’m sitting outside alone…

somewhere but nowhere

Da old music playing in my ears

calling me to look out da window

I see da same old world

although through a different frame

Once again I’m wondering…

Have I gone too far

or have I gone anywhere

Why have I not spoken out da right words

No I guess I have…

But they aren’t heard

Why would I have taken this path

Yes I promised I’ll be back with a complete soul

But before it becomes complete

Guess it will be stabbed

again and again

Da outside world will not change

and I have chosen to look at it da way it is

But at times I choose to retreat

I have no comfort zone

and I should’nt have at all

This is da path I choose to go

Some people talk about da road not taken

Some people talk about da road to be taken

I’m sorry but there isn’t such thing for me

There shouldn’t be excuses for me to live on…or rely on

This is da path I’m stepping

and I’ll walk through it

till da day da sun shines a direction for me

And I’ll be able to trace back da shadows I left behind

That is da time I’ll narrate da story I planned for myself

That is da time I know who have I become